Such was the weight of the mailbag for this issue that it fell through the floor of our offices and disappeared out into Euroland. From what we can remember of its contents we have asked renowned poet Pat Ingoldsby to respond…

During Gay McKeon’s Performance on the Pipes
Central Library ILAC Henry St
A Wednesday in April 1999
For a good hour at lunchtime today
while he was accompanying the uileann piper
the fiddle player was belting time against the floor
with his right foot.
He was belting it so powerfully
that his knee came off
and slid down inside his trousers
but he hasn’t noticed yet.
He probably won’t till he’s going to bed tonight
and giving them a good shake.

The Only Conversation We Ever Had
A Minister for Arts, Culture and the Gaeltacht
once spoke to me at an exhibition.
“Don’t mind what the begrudgers say” he said.
That was it
I did not ask him what it is that they say.
He did not tell me.

Me And My Life
Everybody has taken over something.
The Irish Language.
Poetry.
Anything to do with James Joyce.
The Arts.
Theatre.
Eternal Salvation.
Everybody has taken over something.
They think they own it.
They will keep you in your place.
You must go to them
through them
be cleared by them
approved by them
sanctioned by them
get permission from them.
Most of the time this works
because people desperately want
something from them
mostly money, grants, cnuas,
call it what you will
dangle it on a stick
and they will dance.

Everybody has taken over something.
They think they own it.
I do not need them
so
they don’t own me.

from The Blue E-tee Wet!
by Pat Ingoldsby
(Willow Publications, 2000)

Excerpt from Guidance Six of Career Guidance for Poets
(the official sanctioned version with all the subversive bits taken out)
When writing your CV for the back of a book or inclusion in a festival programme it is important that the following words appear in it somewhere
medal
residence
short-list
prisons
prize
Russia
Award
Translated
Aosdána

A Very Short Writing Course
Get a pen and a piece of paper and sit quietly.
Write down what it is you want to say.
Write it down the way that you like to say it.
When you have done this you are finished.
Writing is as simple and uncomplicated as that.
Any second now a chorus of “Ah yes but’s” will come rising up.
That is what makes it hard.

from Do Lámh i mo Bhristí
by Pat Ingoldsby
(Willow Publications, 2001)

Under the terms of the Bratislava Accord 1983 (ratified in section 2 cre/009 manifestminsk) this work is declared A Poetry Sanctuary thereby protecting all its contents from inclusion in:
school textbooks
examinations
elocution classes
anything with the word “Arts” in it